Shall we Dance...Surviving the First Dance:

The "first dance" of a bride and groom is an important component of the wedding ceremony in modern European and American traditions.

After the bride and groom are formally introduced to their guests as "Mr. and Mrs.," the couple shares their first dance, as their special song is played. The lights may be dimmed to add to the romantic atmosphere, or should the couple choose a "raucous song," the lights may be turned up high and the spotlight turned on them.

The process of choosing a song for your first dance is fairly simple. Begin by selecting the type of dance that you would like to do. The fox trot, swing, and waltz are popular choices, but slow dancing, rumba, or any dance you enjoy is fine. Next, you'll need to find a song that fits that type of dance. Many couples don't know how to dance together and, if that's the case, it needs to be addressed when deciding on the song. If you select a song, but are unsure what dance would be appropriate, you can bring a recording to a local dance teacher, or look it up on one of the many wedding song listings on-line. Check song and web site suggestions following this article.

After the bride and groom have danced for a while (about 2 minutes is enough time), the father of the bride will cut in on the groom and dance with his daughter. The music may change again to suit the change of partners. The groom "leaves" his bride and asks the bride's mother to dance. After an appropriate amount of time, the groom's father cuts in on the bride's father and then he dances with the bride, his new daughter-in-law. Next, the bride's father cuts in on the groom and dances with his (own) wife. The groom will then ask his mother to dance. Next, the parents change partners with their in-laws. The best man comes out to ask the bride to dance and the groom dances with the maid or matron of honor. To complete the wedding dance tradition, the entire wedding party, ushers and bridesmaids come out onto the dance floor and join in the dancing. Once the entire wedding party is on the dance floor, all the guests are invited to participate.

Surviving the First Dance - Ten Tips

• Plan ahead: You're planning everything else associated with your wedding, why not your first dance? Ideally you should begin practicing 6 to 12 months ahead of time.

• Turn to professionals: Learning to dance is surprisingly painless. If you can't afford private lessons at a local studio, look around for group classes (high schools, colleges and community centers often offer courses). Or, buy an instructional videotape -learn at home and avoid the worry of looking awkward in front of others.

• Have options: If you are undecided about your first song, or can't pick one, check the list of wedding dance songs available on this site. Try practicing to two or three different songs that both of you like, and choose the one that feels most comfortable.

• Less is more: You need not dance to the entire song (remember, dance professionals don't). Your DJ can cut the song or your band can play a shortened version…..or you can even just have it fade out. Bottom line: you'll look better dancing for two minutes and doing five terrific moves, than dancing for five minutes and doing twelve poorly executed moves.

• Decide on a song version: Once you've picked a song, make sure your DJ or band knows how you want to hear it. For instance, don't assume your band will play the song just like the Frank Sinatra CD you've been practicing to. It's a good idea to give them a copy of the version you like, or to get a recording of their version, so that you are practicing to "the real deal."

• Think about where you're dancing: If your wedding will be outdoors, install a dance floor - it's pretty hard to spin in mud. Or on grass. If the dance floor at your reception hall is smaller than your bathroom, maybe you'd better rethink that waltz - it takes up lots of space. Try to practice in a space that's similar in size to your reception hall.

• Think about what you're wearing: If you have a mermaid dress you'll look terrific. You'll also be taking very tiny steps…. bear that in mind when you plan the first dance. Similarly, if you have an off-the-shoulder gown you won't be able to lift your arms over your head………consider that before you put in all those spins.

• And speaking of what you're wearing: practice your dancing as if it's the big day. Grooms: wear a jacket and dress shoes. Brides: wear a long skirt, (unless you're planning that mini-wedding dress!) and your actual wedding shoes. This will accomplish two things: it'll break your shoes in, and it will give you a sense of security about your ability to manage them come the actual reception. If you're worried about getting them dirty, protect them with an old pair of athletic socks.

• Don't expect perfection: Nobody at your reception is anticipating that the two of you will put on a show. You're not a professional dance team - and if you are, why are you reading this?! While the two of you are learning and practicing, you are bound to make the occasional mistake. Just stop, talk it out, and try again.

• Express yourself: Know your own comfort level, and that of your groom. If you don't like a song, don't dance to it! If you don't like a certain move your instructor shows you, say so. (Be polite, though!) It is, after all, your day and your dance. If you are happy and comfortable you will look wonderful, so that should be your goal.